53 days sober and trying not to crack!

I quit drinking 53 days ago. Alcoholic is a strong word, but I was drinking every night. Compulsively.
I wish I'd decided to start a blog on day 1, but to be honest I didn't think I would make it this far.

I will go back to the story of my drinking and why I stopped another day, but today I need to vent. Today is really hard!
It's was fairly easy to get to day 52. Today however, I got some shocking and unexpected news. My partners father was found dead in his flat. I hadn't planned for this. I'm emotionally exhausted trying to stay strong for him. We haven't even told the kids yet. I'm so so close to having a drink. I haven't got another coping mechanism for grief. It's like an awful test - trying to stay sober whilst feeling like an emotional wreck.
I'm trying my best to get through the evening. I think just typing this has helped me put things into perspective.
I can't throw away 53 sober days? Can I?

Love to anyone on their sober journey who finds this!!
Secret Sober Mummy

Ps. Forgot to mention I have a virus, conjunctivitis AND my washing machine broke today too. Talk about a bad day...